Well, I haven't written on here in awhile. Part of the reason is cause while Michael was home from Germany, I was pretty busy spending time with him. The other reason is cause I was too upset to write...
While we were in Michigan (which was supposed to be a fun vacation), I had a horrible time. The first night I was supposed to spend the evening with my cousin and others hanging out at the house. That had been the plan for 2wks, but she just up and ditched me. Even though Phil and Michael were supposed to have a guys night out, then inviten Nick and I to come along. We had a great time, especially since it was Nick's first time bowling. He picked up that 8lb ball probably 50 times!
The next day started out good with Alex and I running an errand. Then Phil, mom, michael and I went to the seed store. The evening went very quickly downhill. Dinner wasn't served till 6:20 which is VERY late for my kids. Especially when they hadn't snacked in a few hours. Nick was a complete basket case by the time dinner was on the table. I ended up skipping dinner and taking him out, but he fell asleep right after getting in the car. By the time he was fed and ready to go back into the house, EVERYONE was walking out to get in cars. Within about 45seconds Nick watched everyone, including Phil and Makenzie leave to go bowling. Nick was screaming, and I was crying. I spent a long time trying to get him to bed, and finally ended up driving him around. Once he was asleep, I got him to bed, and laid in bed crying for hours. I wanted to go home so bad!!! It actually crossed my mind to pack up and tell Phil to ride home with my mom the next day. Of course I didn't do that though. After a few hours Phil called. I asked him to bring me dinner. Once he got back, he came up without dinner and said that if I wanted to eat then I needed to go downstairs and socialize while eating. He said that people had been downstairs waiting for me for a couple hours. He didn't understand that I felt like if they wanted to see me, then they would have come up and asked if I wanted to hang out. He basically forced me to come down. I did, but only because I knew that completely not eating wasn't healthy for the baby.
Once downstairs, it was okay till Cassie & Andrew left. Then my mom and Uncle totally attacked me. They were telling me that someone e-mailed them to say that people have a horrible view of Heidi, Alex, and I due to my negativity, gossip and slandering all over facebook. They said that I need to get a life, get off facebook, ect, ect, ect...Some of what they said is a blur, cause they were just going non-stop. I didn't get a chance to say anything really. Michael tried to step in, but since he'd had a few beers, he was told that he was drunk and delidgerant and to go outside. I've seen my brother drunk, and he wasn't drunk at all. Not even tipsy. He has a very high tollerance. He did leave, but only cause he knew that if he didn't then he was probably going to punch something. I knew that's why he left, cause his face was bright red from anger. After he left the lecturing got worse. Fingers were shaken in front of my face, and I was told that I need to get on my knees and pray instead of going on facebook. Then to top it all off my mom started saying that this is part of the reason I have a bad relationship with my sister. That was the end for me. I asked if Heidi had e-mailed her, and when she said no, then I said she has no right to judge my relationship with my sister at all. I ran out of the room bawling. I was devestated by everything. About 20min later my uncle came up to our room and tried to talk to me. He still didn't understand much about my life, or what goes on with Heidi, Alex, and I, but at least he tried for a few minutes. My mom was sorry for how she talked to me, but I don't think she realized how hurt I was. Between talking to Phil and Michael, I was up until 4:30 that morning. I was just too horribly upset to sleep.
On top of that going on, there was also family drama in Oregon. I guess someone said something in a fight that "I" told them. Problem was, I never said it, and didn't even know about what they said I told them. Phil and I both felt though that there was no point in defending me because that person doesn't like me anyways, and therefore wouldn't believe us. Just made Phil feel even more like his family is torn apart. He said that's part of the reason he didn't defend me to my mom and uncle is cause he's too afraid of losing my family as well.
Well, a couple days after coming back from Michigan I deleted about 80 people off my friends list, and made it so very few people can see my profile. I'm sure this made people mad, but at this time I don't know who I can or can't trust. I don't feel like I have very many true friends anymore. That is a really crappy feeling.
Phil did find out that his family member isn't mad anymore, so I feel slightly better about that, but not really over it. It's frustrating to feel like I can't ever talk to someone cause it will just come back to bite me in the butt.
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