Friendships

Today I had to speak with a friend about a subject that could be touchy. I had been avoiding the conversation for a few days in hopes the situation would dissolve and it wouldn't be necessary. All too often I have had conversations with other mothers and it go badly because people get defensive over their children. When this conversation was met with kindness and understanding, it got me reflecting on my friendships.

Nearly a year and a half ago we changed churches. With that change meeting new people and making new friendships was inevitable. This is something I hate doing. I hate the awkardness of getting to know new people. I hate the drama that can come while figuring out who you can/can't trust. I didn't want to get burned again.

During the same time we were getting to know new people, we were in the midst of losing our best friends. A five year friendship down the drain. On the surface it seemed over petty things, but in the end, it really was just that we had grown apart. This made me even more wary of wanting new friends. My entire family was hurting over this loss, and I didn't want to subject us to more hurt. However, God had a plan.

God knew that we were getting ready to go through an extremely rough year. God knew that we needed people surrounding us that would uplift us, laugh with us, cry with us, and be there to listen. Good friends moved back to town, we reconnected with other old friends, and we made some new friends. Our entire inner circle changed. Some people moved in, while others moved out. More moved out than I ever intended, but I simply did not have the energy for numerous friends this last year. I just needed to simplify my life.

Over the last year of changing who is in my inner circle, I realized that part of the reason my previous inner circle fell apart was due to lack of importance. My friends and I were busy moms. We never took time for ourselves. We gave all of ourselves to our children and didn't pour time into our friendships. We only saw each other with kids around. We never went out alone to have kid free conversations. We just knew each other as fellow moms. We didn't know each other as people who have lives and stories separate from our mom lives. I realized that needed to change. I realized that if I want lasting friendships, then I have to let down my guard, open up, and truly invest in those people. Before, I had seen nights out with friends as something I didn't need, and maybe a bit selfish. Now, I realize how necessary they are. How much I need that break and so do my friends. I see how much we need time to connect without kid interruptions. My first night out with a friend, we talked for four hours! If it wouldn't have been for worried husbands calling at midnight, I think we would have stayed in that McDonald's lobby all night. Neither one of us had been out with a friend in a very long time. We needed that conversation so much more than we had realized.

In many ways, I can't believe how much my friendships have changed. I can't believe how much I have changed. I've let down my guard. I've stopped caring. That can sound bad, but for the first time since moving from Oregon, I feel like I CAN stop caring. My current group of friends sees the real me, faults and all, and love me regardless. I am surrounded by people that will be there through thick and thin. I love how if I say I am struggling with something, they will call, text, and email, nagging me and asking the difficult questions. They expect me to do the same for them. In the high times of life, they are there to laugh, and celebrate.

I could have never imagined where God would take these friendships. Just goes to show that when you let down your guard and just follow where God is leading you, you will be greatly rewarded.