hurt

Ya know, the baby shower thing has reminded me of my other frustration surrounding Nick's birth....I was in EXTREME pain after having him. Due to a star tear and injured/cracked tailbone, I could barely walk or sit. People knew this because it's not something I tried to hide at all when they came to visit. I even carried a donut around to sit on and when that broke, sat on the boppy pillow everywhere, including the car. Yet to my astonishment, not a single person offered to take Makenzie, clean the house, cook us meals, or anything of that sort. All people did was come over, see the new baby and leave. Never have I felt so uncared for in my life. I did finally get 3 meals made, but only after 2 or 3wks when I broke down to Sarah on the phone. She cooked 3 meals that day and sent Jonathan over with them. I felt like she did it out of pity for me, not because she wanted to...I swore to myself that the next time someone was in need that I wouldn't be bending over backwards like I always have to babysit, make meals, and things of that sort. But sure enough, next time someone was sick or in need, there I was meals in hand and offering to babysit for them. Completely ignoring the fact that I was still recovering from a injured tailbone (took an entire 12 months to recover)...I don't do these things to get payment out of them. It does make me happy to help people and I feel that God puts people in your life to help and for them to help you. It's just part of what makes the world go round. We all need each other... It's just very hard to be surrounded by people who "love" you but yet don't bother to see that you are in need. Especially really hard when in the situation I was with a 2 1/2yr old. I still had to do dishes, laundry and cook every day from the day Phil had to return to work. I think it was 4 days after delivery.

This is the first time that I've been scared of delivery. My tailbone is already hurting from the previous injury. My hip and pelvic bone hurt as well. I now have a 5yr old and at delivery time a 3yr old. Since we now live where we only have one family member, how on earth am I gonna do this? The good thing is though...I won't be expecting help and therefore won't have the heartbreak of realizing that I'm not getting it.