Two year olds...

Today is just one of those days....The kind where a $6 small bag of Gluten Free pretzels gets dumped, the kind where a glass gets shattered all over the floor...What next? Praying for naptime!! I can't wait for this stage to pass. If Kayla is awake, there is nothing else getting accomplished but watching and caring for her. Oh and she has made known that she prefers to be called Kaylie or Baby. lol.

On a brighter note, we have been house hunting. Today we are looking at a good prospect. They approve the application before even showing the house so we know that end is good. It's just up to if we like the house and if they will wait a couple weeks to get closer to our lease being up.

Awesome Dinner Conversation

At dinner tonight my daughter was eating spaghetti (her favorite food) like she hadn't eaten in weeks. I suggested that she eat like she would if she were on a date (thinking she would just take smaller bites and not slurp her noodles). Well, this conversation got hilarious quite fast...

Mo: Mom, I will just date a boy who eats sloppy.
Bubba: Mo. Boys don't eat sloppy.
Mo: Yes they do.
Bubba: Well, I sure don't.
Mom: Bubba, what would do if you were on a date with a girl eating like Mo is right now?
Bubba: If I were on a date with a girl eating like that then I would just break up with her.

Then the conversation slightly changed. I have no idea how but then it went to marriage.

Bubba: I don't know who I am gonna marry. I still have to decided between two girls. But one is cheating on me. Mom did you know that she is cheating on  me? Well, at least I know about it and I know who the other guy is.
Mo: Yeah, I don't know why, but one day in the bathroom we were talking about it and she told me that she is dating J. So yeah, she is definitely cheating on you cause she told me. We talk about weird things in the bathroom.
Bubba: Yeah, so I guess she will probably marry him. So I think I am will just marry L again. We already got married once so I will just ask her to marry me again. I like her better anyways. 

This conversation continued on for probably a good five minutes. Went into how Bubba doesn't like to kiss on the lips cause it is gross and that he probably won't kiss on the lips till he is married cause it is gross unless it is your mom or your wife.

Do you know how hard it was to keep a straight face throughout this entire conversation? So funny and such a great memory made at the dinner table!

Christmas Day

Well today was Christmas day. I got to bed around 2:30am this morning. Around 5am we heard Squeeks up. Of course it was the one day she decided to come out of her room. I found her standing, staring, pointing, and gasping at the sight of the presents under the tree. It was very hard to get her to go back to sleep and wait until morning but after 30min and a stern "No opening presents till you sleep some more" she finally went back to bed. I slept on the couch just in case she decided to come back out.

Around 8ish I heard Mo and Bubba up. I laid on the couch half asleep listening to Bubba wanting to wake us up and open presents. Mo insisted that there was no point in waking us up before she got the empty trash bag, Squeeks was up, and the camera was out and ready....This all took place just before 9am and we started opening presents. A month or so ago I sent out an e-mail practically begging people to stick to the lists we had made. I have been so sick of throwing away cheap toys and donating the ones they don't play with (cause they never really wanted them in the first place). So this year it was very exciting to sit and watch as the kids got many of the toys on their lists, some that while not on the list, were exactly what the kids would like as well. Each child got their #1 item: American Girl dolls for the girls and a skateboard for Bubba. We saved those presents for them to open last, then sat them all on the couch so that we could record them while they opened their gifts. After opening presents at home, a bit of cleaning & playing, we headed off to Mimi & Papaw's. We are an early dinner and then opened gifts. Once again receiving many gifts off the specified lists. Everyone loved each and every one of their gifts. This is the first Christmas that all gifts were liked and that no one received clothing that was too small. There are a couple clothing items too large but they will fit at some point so it isn't a big deal. What an awesome Christmas this was. We got great joy out of seeing our children receive the gifts they truly wanted and will enjoy.

This evening we went to a party at a friend's house. There was a poop disaster before we left so dad stayed home due to his frustration. When we returned he was still pretty down. Living away from Oregon is really getting to him. We have not been home for a vacation in almost three years. We are both really homesick and missing our true friends. You would think that after almost 5 years here that we would have built a good core group of friends but we just haven't. Friends have come and then faded away but none have proved to be true lasting "go through life with you" friendships. We long so much to be back with our group of friends in Oregon. Many things have changed in all our lives but regardless, those friends that we have there are like family to us and we know that our friendships would be the same if we were to return.

Christmas Eve

Well, here it is, Christmas Eve. I have longed for this day and dreaded this day. You see, this was my deadline. All the crafts must be finished, house must be clean, hopefully a couple treats made and all the gifts wrapped. Well, in just over an hour I need to pick up a child from a friends' house and head off to the Christmas eve service at church, one of which I will attend, and one which I will teach preschoolers. I have come to the conclusion that with only an hour left, I need to spend it getting myself, Bubba and Squeeks ready, as well as dinner. That being said, my house will not be clean for Christmas and the pictures will all be shot in just the living room with careful placement as to not get the messy dining room or kitchen in the background. We will not be having many goodies except for the ones I made and ruined this morning or leftovers from the ones I delivered to Phil at work. Hopefully I will get the crafting finished tonight and of course the few randoms gifts needing wrapped will be finished.

All that being said, normally I would be freaking out and stressing over all that still "needs" done. Instead, I have realized that none of those things truly matter. My kids will not remember if our home was picked up and spotless each and every Christmas. My children will not care if mommy made really fun and exciting goodies every year. Will they even remember the many crafts I have spend countless hours on? Maybe, maybe not. Will these things make a difference as to if they remember this as a good Christmas or not? I don't think so. We have done a good job at teaching our children the true meaning of Christmas. They know that this is Jesus' birthday and that we only give gifts to symbolize the greatest gift that God has given to us. They know the Christmas story very well. No matter what small things seem to tarnish the holidays, the children just remember a time of spending time with family and at church.

While I would love to have the "ideal" Christmas each and every year, I know that is not possible. This year our Christmas is not ideal at all. However, what Mary endured so many years ago was not ideal either. She sure didn't bring that tiny baby into an environment that was what most would have wanted for their baby. However, it was good and perfect just as God had planned it. I know that even though my life lately has been crazy and tiring, it is still just as God has it planned. It is good and perfect. I know that this crazy time in life will be just a moment in time and that it will all seem to work itself out soon.

Swimming & Santa

Today we went swimming for about 90 minutes. The kids had a blast diving for rings, floating on noodles and chasing after a ball. The last ten minutes we spent at the diving board. Squeeks had a blast! She went off it at least 5 times, maybe 8 or 9! She thought it was so fun.

Then tonight we went to McDonald's for family fun night since Santa was there. The older two only sat on his lap just so they could get a free toy. Both say they don't believe in Santa anymore. Although some days Bubba will change his mind and say that in fact he does believe. We thought Squeeks may be scared of him but she wasn't. Guess maybe she knew who he was since we have watched many Christmas movies recently. Can't wait for the Y Christmas party in the morning so that she can see Santa again.

A letter to my husband

I normally wouldn't want to publicize a personal letter to my husband but I feel that tonight it is one to remember. It is one that will shed light on how it is to be a stay at home mom during the rough times. There is no sugar coating. It is real. It is raw. It is life.

Imagine this:

You spend the night at work. At 8am you get woken up by a driver calling you and yelling at you. It's frustrating to have people demanding you to be wide awake when all you want is a few minutes of quiet to properly wake up. You get this particular situation handled just to have another one arise. Two hours after waking you are finally able to get something to eat but not anything nurishing because you have been too busy caring for others needs and don't have much time to take care of your own. After a few hours the phones finally quiet down and you think that you can finally have some time to answer emails, and work on other things that didn't need an immediate response. Just when you get into the groove and are accomplishing something, the phone rings, then rings again, then rings again. There is no one to help you. You are it. You have to decide what order things need done and what things can be pushed aside till someone is there to help you. Finally at 4:30pm help arrives. You have been so busy, tired and frustrated. It is wonderful to see someone walk in the door, not only for the relief you know they will bring but also for someone to talk to cause you have handled many stresses throughout the day. But just when you feel the weight lifted off your shoulders, Jim leaves to work on QualCom. You are frustrated but know that what he is doing is important as well so you try to ignore your frustration. When he comes back a couple hours later, you ask him for help. Not cause you can't do it yourself but because you are exhausted, need quiet, and just need a few moments to yourself. You step outside knowing that he will handle things for you. You return a few minutes later to find that in fact he has not taken care of the things you asked, but instead is playing around on his phone. So you get back to work, take care of things and go on with your day. Later on you again ask for help. Once again Jim ignores your request and does what he wants rather than help you. Finally around 8pm the office is quiet. While there is work to be done, you decide that you deserve some time to relax. After 20min of relaxing you remember that you have some things to prepare for a company party coming up. It is time to get back to work, but on different things. Even though you are tired and want to go to bed, you know that it is necessary to do these things so you do it and are just happy to at least not have to deal with the phones. After a few hours the phone rings. Jim is not there cause he was tired too and went for a break. So you must stop what you are doing and take care of the important phone call. Thirty minutes later, the problem is solved and you again can have your alone time. Since it is now after 1am you decide that you must call it a day because you know that this day, while a bit different, will start all over again in 6 hours.

I hope that this will help you to realize how I feel. I love my job, just as you love yours. But my job does not give me breaks, coworkers to help me, set hours that I don't have to be at work, or sick time off. I don't have time away from my "clients". I don't even get a paycheck for my long exhausting hours of work. I am extremely thankful that you let me stay home and raise our children. The rewards for our family are amazing. But right now I am just going through an extremely rough time as a stay at home mom. The ages that our children are is really tough. It is tough to do what I need to do and also take care of a rambunctious two year old. I need help. I need support. I need to feel appreciated. I need you to acknowledge what I do, how hard it is, and to be there for me in the evenings. I don't need you to be distant, playing on your phone, or ignoring what I ask you to do. I love that you love playing with our kids. But when I have asked for you to start putting them to bed is not the time to get them wound up. I would greatly appreciate if you could learn to see my needs and help meet them. If I ask for you to do something, then that is a direct clue that I NEED it done. Please try harder to do these things, not cause you don't want to get in trouble but because you love me and know that I need your help. By you meeting these needs and doing what I ask, I feel appreciated and loved. I feel like you care.

I am sorry I have been so busy working on Christmas stuff and that I am frustrated almost every day when you get home. I don't like these things any more than you do. I truly hope that I can regain control over the craziness of life but at this moment it seems near impossible. Please just bear with me through this, support me and love me.

Thankfulness

On Friday 20 six and seven year olds were shot while they were at school. It is such a tragic event but one that our country is seeing happen more and more frequently. In the last couple days I have seen posts on Facebook of people who have pulled their kids out of school, and others who are crying as they drop their kids off at school today. I am thankful for our lifestyle each and every day but today really just brings out how thankful I am. I am so thankful that a few years ago we had a major lifestyle change. While we are never sure where a tragic event may happen, I am thankful that we changed our lifestyle. Most of the shootings lately have been in malls, schools, and theaters. While you never know where a bad event may happen, I feel safer knowing that we just don't frequent places such as these. I am so thankful that I have a loving and supportive husband who understands my need to homeschool and supports every aspect of that. I am thankful for each and every moment I have with my children whether good or bad. I am thankful for being able to control my children's environment and to know who they are with and what they are subjected to. I am thankful that my children can pray and talk about God in their school. I am thankful that my children are free to be who they are and not be forced to sit at a desk. I am thankful that my children have friends of all ages and have the opportunity to communicate with people of all ages, not just peers their own age. I am thankful for all the flexibility that homeschooling offers.