oh, and while I'm getting my frustrations out.....asking a pregnant person if she is bipolar is NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!!!

AH!!!! Some people! This happened over a week ago and I'm still really mad/hurt about it.

hurt

Ya know, the baby shower thing has reminded me of my other frustration surrounding Nick's birth....I was in EXTREME pain after having him. Due to a star tear and injured/cracked tailbone, I could barely walk or sit. People knew this because it's not something I tried to hide at all when they came to visit. I even carried a donut around to sit on and when that broke, sat on the boppy pillow everywhere, including the car. Yet to my astonishment, not a single person offered to take Makenzie, clean the house, cook us meals, or anything of that sort. All people did was come over, see the new baby and leave. Never have I felt so uncared for in my life. I did finally get 3 meals made, but only after 2 or 3wks when I broke down to Sarah on the phone. She cooked 3 meals that day and sent Jonathan over with them. I felt like she did it out of pity for me, not because she wanted to...I swore to myself that the next time someone was in need that I wouldn't be bending over backwards like I always have to babysit, make meals, and things of that sort. But sure enough, next time someone was sick or in need, there I was meals in hand and offering to babysit for them. Completely ignoring the fact that I was still recovering from a injured tailbone (took an entire 12 months to recover)...I don't do these things to get payment out of them. It does make me happy to help people and I feel that God puts people in your life to help and for them to help you. It's just part of what makes the world go round. We all need each other... It's just very hard to be surrounded by people who "love" you but yet don't bother to see that you are in need. Especially really hard when in the situation I was with a 2 1/2yr old. I still had to do dishes, laundry and cook every day from the day Phil had to return to work. I think it was 4 days after delivery.

This is the first time that I've been scared of delivery. My tailbone is already hurting from the previous injury. My hip and pelvic bone hurt as well. I now have a 5yr old and at delivery time a 3yr old. Since we now live where we only have one family member, how on earth am I gonna do this? The good thing is though...I won't be expecting help and therefore won't have the heartbreak of realizing that I'm not getting it.

baby shower

Today Makenzie said that she wants to have a baby shower for her new baby she bought at a garage sale. I asked where she learned about baby showers. She said from tv. Then she said that she wants to have a shower for her baby and then my new baby...No one bothered to throw one for Nick, so how am I to know if I will get one for Makayla? Especially since we barely have any family out here. I didn't even get one when we had tons of family around!!! All I got told was "I don't have time to plan." "You shouldn't need gifts since you had a kid a couple years ago" and other things along those lines. I don't think anyone truly understands how awful it made me feel that no one celebrated the birth of my son, and that he has 4 empty pages in his baby book because of it. If someone does throw me a shower for Makayla then I won't have to go through the agony of leaving her pages blank. However years down the line I will be faced with the question of "Why were the girls thrown baby showers but I wasn't?" It breaks my heart to even think about it. He is such a special little boy and his birth should have been celebrated with a party just like everyone else. I wish I could go back in time and throw a party of my own. However, I know that I was not in any sort of state to do that since it took me so long to recover from the tearing and tail bone injury I endured while in labor with him.

Sweet words from Makenzie

The other day I noticed that Makenzie had stolen one of my pillows. When we went to go watch a movie in the pool room I asked her to get it so that I could lay on the floor. She got it, then explained why she took it. Here's what she said:

"I woke up one night and was sad. I know you don't like me sleeping with you so I went in your room and stole your pillow. I laid with your pillow in my bed. It smells like you and is soft like you. When I hug it, it's like I can feel you hugging me back and your love all around me."

How's that to melt a Momma's heart?!

What's funny though is that this was the only night she didn't come to our room, or so we thought. She sleeps with us at least a little bit EVERY night. The thing is; she sleep walks and doesn't remember it.

I really need to get in the habit of at least writing 5min a day on here...

today was a pretty annoying, frustrating, funny and relaxing day all rolled into one. I was gonna copy and paste from facebook to here, but it won't let me. Guess I should write things here first and then copy it to facebook. It's too late to re-type it all!

Just so it can jog my memory later to tell the kids or Phil....it has to do with taking Nick to the bathroom at Walmart and him insisting on using the "nal" in other words, the urinal. lol.