Bittersweet Day

I didn't even realize today was coming. It is a day that I usually dread for a couple weeks, yet somehow this time around I didn't even realize it was that time of year. Not too many people know, as I have kept pretty quiet about it, but had I not miscarried, we would now have a four year old. Every March, I have a huge reminder of that in my cousin's child. Our children would have just been a couple weeks apart. Each and every year, I grieve this loss. I know that it wasn't meant to be, because if we would have had that child, I would not have the beautiful three year old I now have. Knowing that though, never eased the pain. I have always felt guilty for losing this child because it was stress that caused the miscarriage at nearly three months along. Today when I got on Facebook and saw pictures celebrating this little girl's 4th birthday, I felt so happy for her. She is a beautiful little girl, and for the first time, I was able to be happy about her birthday and not sad. While I am so glad that I have finally gotten beyond seeing her as a reminder of the one that I lost, I am also sad that I have gotten to the point where I didn't even realize it was that time of year. Such a bittersweet day of realizing how far I have moved past this.

Today's thoughts

Today I got my new sewing machine. Really excited to get it! Can't wait till Thursday when I have the opportunity to try it out.

Planning for something with the code name of "Pretty princess potluck" is back in full swing. I am so excited!! We have 82 days left till the event, and so much to do. I am so glad to have a friend planning along side me, and helping me with each decision. I definitely could not be pulling this off without her!

Winter has finally broken! We got up to 58 today! It was so nice to watch the kids ride bikes, play in the yard, and just enjoy being outside. I wasn't able to get in a bike ride, but I hope to get one in tomorrow. I have already ridden 8.5 miles this year. For only two rides, both at roughly 45 degrees, that isn't too bad. If my bike will fit in the car trunk, then I plan to ride tomorrow while Squeeks is at therapy. She has a two hour session, so I should be able to get in a good ride. I just hope to find a good route.

Are you Pentacostal??

Well, I did it. I wore a denim skirt on Sunday. It was not what I would consider a frumpy looking casual denim skirt. It was a very dark, long skirt that came to my ankles. I paired it with a dressy shirt which had a 3 tier necklace thing attached to it. I loved this outfit. Once home from church, I changed into a more casual shirt. Before going out to dinner, I threw a half button down sweater on top of my casual shirt. So, ok, I admit, once I added the sweater, I probably did look frumpy. While we were out to dinner, I was approached by a girl about age 13. She said "Are you Pentacostal? I don't remember seeing you at church, but well, you are wearing a denim skirt, so you must be Pentacostal, right?!" Um, No.....And this is exactly why I didn't want to wear a denim skirt out in public....I don't want singled out like that. I just want to wear my skirts and look girly. I don't want to draw attention. I don't want categorized as "One of THOSE women". I just want to be a girl who is dressing to please and respect my husband, other men, and God.

So, as I already blogged, a friend had asked me why I looked nice. This then opened up room for an exceptional talk about what God is doing in my life with this, why I have recently become to strongly believe in modesty, and things like that. It also opened up a way for her to candidly speak with me about religion and her views on it. It was awesome!! We have been friends for over a year and never really discussed her views. Our views differ, but since I spoke so candidly about modesty, she finally felt comfortable enough to talk about religion. I loved it. I couldn't believe how just wearing a skirt could open up such a candid conversation about something so deep.

Do I care what people think? No, not really. The reason I care about being singled out is because I don't want people to assume things about me. I don't want them to assume that I am not willing to talk about this. I don't want them to assume I have always dressed this way and judge them for not doing so. I don't want someone's view of my clothing to make them think I am unapproachable. These two circumstances really showed me how even wearing different skirts can have a huge effect on how people view me. It is almost a bigger difference than jeans to skirts.

So, moral of the story? If I feel the need to wear my denim skirt out of the house, be prepared to be judged....Also, refrain from wearing frumpy sweaters with denim skirts.