Well, I am now 18 days past surgery. I feel so much better! Come to find out those little antibiotic pills I was supposed to take after surgery were forgotten about and though I was supposed to take 2 a day for 14 days, I had only taken one! OOPS!! So, as soon as I realized this, I started taking them and felt better the next day. So glad the doctor mentioned it and I took them before I got an infection!
Though I have still been tired, I have been able to keep up with a crazy schedule of 4H, swim club & VBS. The last week or so has been crazy!! I have been gone almost every day, all day long. I have run on 4-6hrs of sleep most nights. Though it is all exhausting, it is worth it. The kids are learning some great life experiences.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Monday, July 14, 2014
Recovery
Well, I am now 11 days past surgery. I would love to say that things are better emotionally but it's not. People say they will be there for you but in reality they aren't even there to talk with you when you need to talk. The person I have been closest with the last few months doesn't even listen to what I have to say for more than a few seconds before she goes into talking about her recent adoption. I don't think she realizes how frustrated and mad it makes me. In the same two week period she found out about an urgent adoption, I found out I was losing the pregnancy we thought was giving us a new baby. The last thing I want to hear about is her having "symptoms similar to a mom with a new baby". I am supposed to be the one becoming a new mom again, not her. I know she doesn't mean it but it feels like she is rubbing it in. What makes it the worst though is that she is ignorant to the fact that I need to talk through this. She has no idea how I am feeling because she hasn't taken the time to listen. I feel like I have not only lost the baby I thought I was having but I have also lost the close friendship I had because a new child entered her life and she no longer has time to be a friend to me.
Physically I am not recovered either. When they said I could return to normal activities in 48 hours, they must not have meant caring for a rambunctious three year old. People of course offered to help, but with it being the weekend of 4th of July, no one was really able to follow through with that offer. I had help the day of surgery and part of July 4th. My hubby was home that weekend but the kids still needed me. I tried to rest but with out of state family in town, it didn't really work out well. My three year old needed lifted up, carried and such things many times. Of course since I felt a little better, I didn't even think twice about it. After six days of this, I really felt it taking a toll. I felt horrible. My entire body was numb and weak. I got a couple extra hours of sleep and it seemed to help. Now, I sit here on day 12, still recovering. I am still weak and tire easily. I am using caffeine every day, all day long just to keep me up and functioning. I don't sleep well at night because of my emotions and I am sure that is not helping. Tomorrow I see the doctor. I had hoped for a clean bill of health and be allowed to resume my workouts. Unfortunately I don't think that will happen. I am frustrated with myself. I am frustrated I chose surgery during such a busy span of the summer. In some ways I wish I would have waited for my body to naturally miscarry. In reality though, I know that I would be much worse off if I would have chosen that route. I know there was no perfect answer in this situation. Every situation that was available to me was a hard route. I hate this hard road I am on. I hate not caring for my children they way I would like. I hate being mad at the world. I hate crying all the time. I hate that I don't have anyone to really talk to about this. I just hate this entire situation. I want it to all be over. I want my life back.
Physically I am not recovered either. When they said I could return to normal activities in 48 hours, they must not have meant caring for a rambunctious three year old. People of course offered to help, but with it being the weekend of 4th of July, no one was really able to follow through with that offer. I had help the day of surgery and part of July 4th. My hubby was home that weekend but the kids still needed me. I tried to rest but with out of state family in town, it didn't really work out well. My three year old needed lifted up, carried and such things many times. Of course since I felt a little better, I didn't even think twice about it. After six days of this, I really felt it taking a toll. I felt horrible. My entire body was numb and weak. I got a couple extra hours of sleep and it seemed to help. Now, I sit here on day 12, still recovering. I am still weak and tire easily. I am using caffeine every day, all day long just to keep me up and functioning. I don't sleep well at night because of my emotions and I am sure that is not helping. Tomorrow I see the doctor. I had hoped for a clean bill of health and be allowed to resume my workouts. Unfortunately I don't think that will happen. I am frustrated with myself. I am frustrated I chose surgery during such a busy span of the summer. In some ways I wish I would have waited for my body to naturally miscarry. In reality though, I know that I would be much worse off if I would have chosen that route. I know there was no perfect answer in this situation. Every situation that was available to me was a hard route. I hate this hard road I am on. I hate not caring for my children they way I would like. I hate being mad at the world. I hate crying all the time. I hate that I don't have anyone to really talk to about this. I just hate this entire situation. I want it to all be over. I want my life back.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Surgery
Today we went to the doctor again. A third ultrasound confirmed that though my uterus is still growing, there is no baby or fetal pole. We decided to go ahead with the D&C outpatient surgery. I am so thankful for good friends who stepped right up to take our children for the night/day. It is nice to know that everything is falling into place for my hubby to be with me at the hospital and at home for two days.
I feel so relieved to know that in just a few days I should start feeling better. It has been a long ten weeks of feeling sick. Though I am really sad for this loss, I am happy to finally have it all over. I am physically and emotionally drained.
I feel so relieved to know that in just a few days I should start feeling better. It has been a long ten weeks of feeling sick. Though I am really sad for this loss, I am happy to finally have it all over. I am physically and emotionally drained.
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