ugh.

craving citrus, fruits and veggies does not help my heartburn at all!! I hate heartburn. at least in 5 months it will all be over with and I'll have my gift for enduring this heartburn.

6/25/2010

Once again it's been awhile since I've written. To be honest, I just haven't felt like writing much. Sorry!

Well, first I guess I should say that we found out a week ago that we are having another girl. It wasn't a shock to me as I have "known" that all along. Was nice to have confirmation though. We have decided to name her Makayla. Still working on a middle name. May possibly be Sharon after Phil's mom who passed away last summer.

Nick and Makenzie have been VERY trying lately and making me exausted. Nick of course is into the terrible two's and Makenzie has developed a HUGE attitude. We are working on both of these things. However, my nausea is back in full force and so I have pratically no patience. Not good when trying to teach the kids to be calm and respectful.

Makenzie had a wonderful 5th birthday!! We went go-carting and bowling on her actual day. At first she was scared of the noise under the go-cart garage. She finally got on with me and we did one session. After that my stomach muscles were killing me. I hadn't planned on going at all, but did just so Makenzie would go. After that she drove the kid sized one. She LOVED it!!! The next day was her party. I think we had 11 kids, not including our two. It was a great time for everyone.

Ever since go-carting and Nick finding out that he wasn't tall enough to drive; he walks around saying "I taller!!" Of course he stands on his tip toes when he says this. We've now told him that he has to be older as well. He's very into height though. He wants to say who is taller than him, and if he stands on a chair he'll say "I taller than Moey". Oh yeah, and now he calls Makenzie Moey, not Mo. It's really cute!

Makenzie does funny things all the time, but today was really funny...As we were driving by the cemetary she asked if we could go visit that pretty place. I asked what she thought was so pretty and she said the flowers and big rocks. Said she's never seen rocks that big except for there. Phil asked if she knew what that place was and her response was "Yeah, it's where they put the dead people." We found it so funny that she knows what goes there and it doesn't bother her. I guess we have given her a good grasp on reality and death. It's just a fact of life to her.

been awhile...

Well, I haven't written on here in awhile. Part of the reason is cause while Michael was home from Germany, I was pretty busy spending time with him. The other reason is cause I was too upset to write...

While we were in Michigan (which was supposed to be a fun vacation), I had a horrible time. The first night I was supposed to spend the evening with my cousin and others hanging out at the house. That had been the plan for 2wks, but she just up and ditched me. Even though Phil and Michael were supposed to have a guys night out, then inviten Nick and I to come along. We had a great time, especially since it was Nick's first time bowling. He picked up that 8lb ball probably 50 times!

The next day started out good with Alex and I running an errand. Then Phil, mom, michael and I went to the seed store. The evening went very quickly downhill. Dinner wasn't served till 6:20 which is VERY late for my kids. Especially when they hadn't snacked in a few hours. Nick was a complete basket case by the time dinner was on the table. I ended up skipping dinner and taking him out, but he fell asleep right after getting in the car. By the time he was fed and ready to go back into the house, EVERYONE was walking out to get in cars. Within about 45seconds Nick watched everyone, including Phil and Makenzie leave to go bowling. Nick was screaming, and I was crying. I spent a long time trying to get him to bed, and finally ended up driving him around. Once he was asleep, I got him to bed, and laid in bed crying for hours. I wanted to go home so bad!!! It actually crossed my mind to pack up and tell Phil to ride home with my mom the next day. Of course I didn't do that though. After a few hours Phil called. I asked him to bring me dinner. Once he got back, he came up without dinner and said that if I wanted to eat then I needed to go downstairs and socialize while eating. He said that people had been downstairs waiting for me for a couple hours. He didn't understand that I felt like if they wanted to see me, then they would have come up and asked if I wanted to hang out. He basically forced me to come down. I did, but only because I knew that completely not eating wasn't healthy for the baby.

Once downstairs, it was okay till Cassie & Andrew left. Then my mom and Uncle totally attacked me. They were telling me that someone e-mailed them to say that people have a horrible view of Heidi, Alex, and I due to my negativity, gossip and slandering all over facebook. They said that I need to get a life, get off facebook, ect, ect, ect...Some of what they said is a blur, cause they were just going non-stop. I didn't get a chance to say anything really. Michael tried to step in, but since he'd had a few beers, he was told that he was drunk and delidgerant and to go outside. I've seen my brother drunk, and he wasn't drunk at all. Not even tipsy. He has a very high tollerance. He did leave, but only cause he knew that if he didn't then he was probably going to punch something. I knew that's why he left, cause his face was bright red from anger. After he left the lecturing got worse. Fingers were shaken in front of my face, and I was told that I need to get on my knees and pray instead of going on facebook. Then to top it all off my mom started saying that this is part of the reason I have a bad relationship with my sister. That was the end for me. I asked if Heidi had e-mailed her, and when she said no, then I said she has no right to judge my relationship with my sister at all. I ran out of the room bawling. I was devestated by everything. About 20min later my uncle came up to our room and tried to talk to me. He still didn't understand much about my life, or what goes on with Heidi, Alex, and I, but at least he tried for a few minutes. My mom was sorry for how she talked to me, but I don't think she realized how hurt I was. Between talking to Phil and Michael, I was up until 4:30 that morning. I was just too horribly upset to sleep.

On top of that going on, there was also family drama in Oregon. I guess someone said something in a fight that "I" told them. Problem was, I never said it, and didn't even know about what they said I told them. Phil and I both felt though that there was no point in defending me because that person doesn't like me anyways, and therefore wouldn't believe us. Just made Phil feel even more like his family is torn apart. He said that's part of the reason he didn't defend me to my mom and uncle is cause he's too afraid of losing my family as well.

Well, a couple days after coming back from Michigan I deleted about 80 people off my friends list, and made it so very few people can see my profile. I'm sure this made people mad, but at this time I don't know who I can or can't trust. I don't feel like I have very many true friends anymore. That is a really crappy feeling.

Phil did find out that his family member isn't mad anymore, so I feel slightly better about that, but not really over it. It's frustrating to feel like I can't ever talk to someone cause it will just come back to bite me in the butt.

dr's appt & makenzie's funny question

Well today was my dr's appt. I am 12wks and 6 days. I weighted in at 238 just like last time! So glad that I didn't gain any weight at all after gaining 30lb in the first couple months. I was really worried about that, but on the other hand I was hoping it wouldn't be much of a gain cause I don't look any bigger. I was very pleased with that. The baby's heartbeat was 146, and it was moving around alot. We kept hearing it on the doppler. The doc was so pleased with everything that I don't have to go in for 5wks. At that appt we will have an ultrasound.

Forgot to write this down the other day...Makenzie said "Mom, I bet Spanish people eat REALLY wierd things." I said "like what?" She said "I don't know, but I bet they eat really wierd stuff that we would never eat." I said "Well, they eat tacos, encheladas, and quesidillas like we do." She said "Ohh, nevermind then." I had a very hard time not laughing!!

Birthday Dinner w/mom

Well, this evening my mom took me to Olive Garden for my birthday dinner (actual birthday is tomorrow). I talked to the kids quite alot about behavior and making messes the hour before going out. They both were in a great mood and were doing really well in the beginning. Mom and I both pulled out our phones and let them watch Mickey Mouse while waiting for food, so that helped alot. Then while I was enjoying my salad Makenzie came to sit on my lap for a minute. She got into one of her dry coughing fits which resulted in her throwing up on herself and me. I took her to the bathroom and instructed her to stay by the toilet while I cleaned up myself. Next thing I know she comes out. I start to tell her to get back to the toilet and she leans over the sink and continues to throw up all her drink and breadsticks. After sending her back to the toilet I start on cleaning up the new mess. After about ten minutes her and I are finally clean, bathroom is clean, and we head back to the table. Rest of dinner went great. After paying, mom and I were still talking and kids got restless. We go outside and sit on the benches to finish our conversation. My mom was holding Nick, and without any warning at all he projectile vomits all over my mom's foot and the entry way to the restruant. I run inside to ask them to come get it cleaned up and for a napkin to clean up my mom and Nick. Of course it's still dinner time and there are people coming in/out and looking at the HUGE mess in front of the door. I felt awful for leaving that mess for the workers, but there was nothing I could do. Thank goodness there weren't any more issues before we made it home (or since for that matter). Been home about 30min now, and both kids have been bathed and are going to bed soon...Since Nick threw up tonight for no apparent reason, he'll be skipping swim class in the morning which he won't be happy about but I'm not gonna risk it. I have a dr's appt in the morning and am not taking the kids. I have a feeling that is going to be the best part of my birthday since Phil has to head to work practically right after I get back.

Mother's day post

Well, today is Mother's Day. Although I didn't get pampered like alot of mom's do, it was still a good day. We went to church, then to my mom's for an hour, then to McD's to play with Haleigh and Gabby. I had a great time hanging out with Scott & April. After that I took the kids to the library and then home. We relaxed and did whatever the rest of the evening and the kids both went to bed at nine. Now I get to enjoy some quiet time and in the morning Raeann is bringing the kids over.

Yesterday it wasn't planned for me to have a mock Mother's day, but that's what it turned out to be. On Friday night I didn't get much sleep and then had to be up at 5am to take Liz and Lilly to the airport. I was exausted by the time I got home. The kids told me that Phil was going to take them to the store to get mother's day gifts for me and my mom. I requested that instead of shopping that they just let me sleep the day away. I never imagined that would work, but it did! I slept till around noon, attempted getting up, just to sleep on the couch till late afternoon. Then we went to Red Robin for my birthday burger and then to a second hand store for some more maternity clothes. I loved that store and will probably do alot more shopping there now that I know about it. They had a better selection of maternity stuff than the regular stores. Plus of course, much better prices! The nice thing is that this store is really picky about what they take, so no matter what the price, you can be sure you are getting an item that isn't stained or ripped. It was nice not to have to look in detail at the items before buying. I got 3 or 4 shirts for myself, one for Nick, two for Mo, and a pair of jean shorts for myself all for $29.43! That was one heck of a deal!!!

Well, the visit with Liz and Lilly went great. I think towards the end they were ready to go home, and my kids were ready to have life back to normal, but that's typical of any visit with anyone. Now we have this week as a break and then Michael arrives. Hoping to get some laundry caught up in the mean time. At least he stays with my mom though, so life here isn't disrupted. I doubt the kids could handle having company 3wks out of 4! I'm really hoping the visit with him goes as well as it did in January. The kids enjoyed him so much more this last time cause he played with them so much. I'm really looking forward to having him here!

VENTING!!!!

I haven't been on here in awhile cause I've been trying to get my life back in order. Neinty percent of my nausea and tiredness is gone. I've been trying to get my house back in order, which is not an easy task at all...Anyways, that's what's been going on, and now off to my venting...

In the last 48hrs I've had about 9 hours of sleep, maybe ten including my nap yesterday. There is no way on earth I can happily run on that little sleep. I am so sick of people who say they understand how I feel when they have people who babysit their kids and husbands who let them get rest when they need it. I don't have that luxury!!! Yesterday morning I tried to get Phil up around 9am so that I could go back to bed. Well, he rolled around till almost ten and then there wasn't time for me to nap. This morning after only a few hours of sleep and then being up with Makenzie since 6am I was DONE. I tried to wake him up at 8:40 and of course he didn't get up till around 10 again. Then when he tries to give me a hug he wonders why I am so mad. I don't think he understands how hard it is to run on such little sleep. Yeah I know he needed his sleep since he has to work tonight, but I am 100% exausted. I have not gotten more than 2hrs of sleep at one time in a few days. Sometimes my sleep is broken up in 5-10min intervals. That does not let your body rest at all!! The entire family was shocked that I chose not to attend church this morning. I really did want to go, but I think sleep is going to do more for my soul right now than church will...

Liz and Lilly arrive today as well. They are supposed to be sleeping in Makenzie's room. As of this morning you still couldn't see her floor. I told her to pick up all the clothes and she took them and put them in the walkway in the livingroom. So now I have a whole nother mess to deal with besides doing dishes and vaccuuming. I know Liz doesn't care about the house, but I HAVE to do these things. There is no way I am letting a baby in the house to discover the kids small toys or crumbs. I MUST get these things done. Oh yeah, and somehow my playpen got this huge nasty stain in my mom's basement and so now I have to clean that also. Plus clean out the suburban before going to the airport...And to think I also want to get a nap before going to the airport...how is that possible??? I need to leave home in 3hrs.